By Relationships can be particularly harmful in some cases. Often, we build relationships for convenience without considering the essentials for successful relationship characteristics such as unwavering support, shared trust, and encouragement. If a relationship is formed purely based on proximity or chemistry, it is doomed to fail. We typically keep people around simply because they are already in our lives, but the only way to maintain a meaningful connection is to have a meaningful relationship. People tend to form connections with co-workers, schoolmates, and people who are always there, even when they don’t add any real value to our lives. Getting into new relationships is harder than staying in existing ones: old relationships are comfortable, and starting new ones is difficult. Any relationship worth keeping requires effort, though. And Minimalists teach us to choose mindfulness in all aspects of our life.
Understanding the Problem and Fixing it
Everyone has held onto someone who did not deserve to be there, and most of us still have someone in our lives that drains us: someone who does not add value. Someone who doesn’t support us. They take and take and take without giving anything back in return. These people prevent us from growing. They drain us until they fail us. Someone who perpetually plays the victim. The problem is that victims become victimizers, and these types of people are harmful because they prevent us from feeling fulfilled. We can’t live our lives to the fullest because of such people. We become defined by these negative relationships over time, they become who we are.
Fortunately, this needn’t be the case: several actions can be taken to eliminate negative relationships from our lives. Attempting to mend the relationship is the first thing you can do. Despite not always being feasible or worthwhile, this is the preferred solution. Relationships and people evolve. No matter what type of relationship you are in, you can change the dynamics without destroying it. Sometimes people are not inherently toxic but the situation can make them look like one. Still in this case you will have to hold space and stay in the distance until everything gets to the peaceful ground. In this case, you can temporarily remove them to see how things can work. Sometimes a break can work instead of the final breakup. Humans are emotional beings are separating or cutting people from life is never an easier task. So we can first take a time to analyze and then hit the hammer.
Do you want to heal them or get rid of them?
1) Speak to them
The majority of conflicts, arguments, and misunderstandings are resolved through communication. Sometimes we jump to conclusions because we misunderstand people. Therefore, it is best to talk before cutting someone off or making a decision. If someone drains your life of vitality, talks to them and tells them how they need to change for your relationship to succeed: You need them to be supportive, you need them to participate in your growth, and, although they are important to you, they do not make you happy in their current role. Let them know you aren’t trying to change them as a person — you just want to improve your relationship. And finally, ask what they would like to see in the relationship changed. Is there anything you can do to perk up the relationship? Make sure you listen carefully and take appropriate action. Don’t stay in a relationship you cannot change. This challenge can be faced by any relationship: family, friends, lovers, colleagues, acquaintances. There is nothing wrong with telling someone “This relationship is no longer right for me, now I must move on.” if they are only draining your life.
2. Establish Boundaries
There is nothing inherently minimalist about this. Whether you are a hoarder or a minimalist, you should own one. We respect others and others respect us when we set boundaries. The toxicity of a relationship arises when there are no clear boundaries or when both parties are adept at pushing these boundaries out of their comfort zone. You may nurse several toxic relationships under the guise of ‘helping others.’ You were enabling them rather than helping them.
Several groups of people in society have failed to develop the skills of respect and love for others in their lifetimes. Maybe they were abused or didn’t receive love. The result has been them developing warped boundaries or relishing the pushing of other people’s boundaries. There is indeed a need for sympathy and compassion for these people. But they also need a firm ‘No!’. Relationships may survive if you can express your concerns and discomfort to the other party and he is willing to adapt his behavior. Otherwise, it would be best to avoid contact with that person. This isn’t just about your happiness; it’s about him as well. Minimizing contact will teach the person that there are consequences to bad behavior.
3) Moving on
We don’t always have to move on simply because it’s our only option. Often, moving on is a conscious decision. It is sometimes the best way to start a new chapter in a relationship. After you leave empty-handed and full of energy, you can start over and build stronger, more supportive relationships – relationships that allow you to enjoy fun times with friends and family, be happy, and make a positive impact in the world. All of us need these kinds of relationships. Your contribution must be meaningful as well. Showing your love does not require buying gifts or commoditizing it—it requires showing up every day and demonstrating how much you care, demonstrating your love through consistent actions, and always going the extra mile to help the person grow. For the relationship to grow, both of you must be willing to do your parts. Moving forward with grace opens up the possibility of creating a better container for us and those around us. To move forward is to respect yourself and those around you. Wouldn’t it be a waste of time and joy to stay stuck and waste precious time and energy? Humanity is the greatest thing you have ever experienced, and we should value it, realize its value, and live our lives accordingly. Choosing to move on meant choosing the greater good for everyone involved. Thus, we can free ourselves and them from toxic or not-so-good relationships for a better life.
Conclusion
You would be wrong if you said that the above recommendations are too simplistic and lacking in compassion. That is not the case. When we chose ourselves and cut off other people we respect both us and them. One of the means is a firm goodbye. Toxic personalities are also difficult to deal with. They may end up hurting you (and your family) if you do not set firm boundaries. The task of dealing with these toxic people requires specific skill sets that not all of us possess. Counselors may undergo extensive training for this very reason. But being Minimalist you can choose to invest less time in getting rid of something which doesn’t serve your highest good.